Not all of them - the fruit ones never really did it for me. Did this preclude me from eating them? No. When you're bouncing from vending machine to vending machine, you're forced to accept very quickly that you'll have to settle for strawberry. Such is life.
But when I had a choice? Three words: Brown. Sugar. Cinnamon. S'mores were a fair back-up, but it was all about the BSC (nobody called them that)(that's what we called the Baby-Sitters Club)(parentheticals).
I didn't even toast them, you guys. Didn't need it. I'd just tear open that silver plastic and live the dream. Hot or cold, that brown sugary goo in the middle with its hint of cinammony goodness evoked a feeling of warmth. Maybe that's why it felt so appropriate to have them in autumn. Or winter. Or all the time.
Now, when I made the transition to a predominately vegan lifestyle, these rectangles of frosted glory quietly exited my life. Over four years later, I'd largely forgotten about them, until - without warning - they came up on an episode of my beloved JV Club podcast.
Would that I could describe the sense memory that came rushing back. The craving took hold, so hard that it made my blood hurt.
Could I have satisfied it the easy way and shelled out $3 for a box of my old guilty pleasure (it's possible I don't know what things actually cost)? Yes. But I chose a different path, my friends. Surely there was a way to craft a satisfying vegan substitute that would retain all the deliciousness while ditching the ingredients that I couldn't pronounce and thus could not really recognize as being food?
After much research and hours of baking and baseball (Go Giants!), I can now say, with confidence: yes. Yes, there is a way, and I have found it. Behold, my recipe for vegan brown sugar cinnamon "pop tarts" - just as good as, and dare I say better than, the real thing.
Vegan Brown Sugar Cinnamon "Pop Tarts"
Now, obviously, these are not legit pop tarts for two reasons: 1) Copyright infringement, 2) they are not toaster pastries. Seriously. Don't toast them. Your icing will melt and they'll probably just fall apart.
As I mentioned, this doesn't bum me out, because I used to eat these cold as a rule. If this feels blasphemous to you and heat is really a necessary part of the equation, plan on eating them fresh from the oven - but be aware that your icing won't be able to set (not necessarily a bad thing).
*Note: "Vegan" does not automatically equate to "healthy." While it can be argued that this recipe is certainly better for you than the store-bought variety, as it uses real food, has no additives, and can be made totally organic, it's still essentially a pastry and is by no means sugar free. I would never claim otherwise.
Ingredients
Pastry
2 cups whole wheat pastry flour
6 Tbsp. Earth Balance vegan butter, or roughly one stick (shortening or coconut oil work, if you prefer)
2 tsp. baking powder
1 tsp. salt
1/2 cup non-dairy milk (I use unsweetened almond milk)
Filling
5 Tbsp. brown sugar (light or dark)
5 tsp. sugar
1 Tbsp. all-purpose flour
3/4 tsp. - 1 tsp. ground cinnamon
Icing
3/4 cup powdered sugar
1-1 1/2 Tbsp non-dairy milk
1/2 tsp. ground cinnamon
1/4 tsp. vanilla extract
Step 1: Pastry: This is the most involved part of the process. Sift your flour, baking soda, and salt into a large mixing bowl. Cube your butter, then mix it in with a fork or pastry cutter. You want things to stay a little lumpy at this point, so that you've got crumbs of flour and butter roughly the size of a pea (if they're a tiny bit bigger, that's okay). Mix in whatever milk you use with a wooden spoon, stir until you've got a ball of dough. If your ingredients aren't coming together, add more milk, but only do so a little at a time - too much will make it too tacky, and it won't roll out.
One of my favorite things about this recipe, which is essentially just a vegan pie crust, is that you don't have to chill it. This works perfectly when you plan on baking vegan pop tarts without giving much forethought to the process. Place your newly formed ball of dough on a well-floured surface and roll it out into a large rectangle, or the closest thing to a rectangle that you can manage. Once you've done this, fold the dough in on itself over and over until you've got a nice little square tower of excellence. Roll it out and repeat about six times. I know. But remember when I said this was the most involved part?
If, at any part in the process, your dough starts to become sticky, just flour it up and you should be fine.
Now would be a good time to pre-heat your oven to 350 degrees (F).
Once you've done your final roll-out, cut your dough into several rectangles. Size is up to you - I eyeball it. Remember to give yourself an even number - you'll need tops and bottoms.
Lay your bottom pieces out on a cookie sheet.
Step 2: Filling: Stir together all ingredients until thoroughly mixed in a small bowl. Spoon the filling onto your bottom pieces of pastry. Don't overdo it - you want to leave at least a half inch or so around the edges so you can join your tops and bottoms (cue me giggling, because I am a child).
Step 3: Assembly: Carefully place your top pieces of dough onto your filled bottom pieces. Using the tines of a fork, press down on the outer edges to pinch the two pieces together. You can also use your fingers, but this way looks cooler. Make sure the seams close all the way, or you run the risk of your filling oozing out in the oven. Using a toothpick, poke a few small holes down the center of your top pieces - I did eight, four on each side. Symmetry!
If you want to get super fancy, brush your pastries with an egg-wash substitute. Some people use sugar water, some a mix of cornstarch and water. Some just use non-dairy milk. This can give your pastry more of a golden finish (I am not that fancy - also, turns out my brush is missing).
Pop your pastries in the oven for about 20 minutes.
When they're done, they'll look something like this, but probably prettier because you have better spatial reasoning than I do when you cut dough.
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| Even if some look a little less than pro-status, they will taste delicious. Everybody wins. |
Step 4: Icing: Some people refer to this as a glaze. Go where the spirit moves you on that one.
Combine your dry ingredients in a small mixing bowl. Add the milk and whisk together. Use additional milk as needed to get to a spreadable consistency, but remember that you want this icing to be thick.
Using a knife or spoon, spread icing over the tops of your pastries. Now, is there anything preventing you from consuming your glorious creation right away? No. Will it taste fabulous? Absolutely. But if you have patience, wait at least an hour for your icing to set.
Step 5: Enjoy
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| Oh... |
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| ...yes! |
Next on my list: working out a vegan version of the s'mores variety. This may be a little more involved, but I'm in it to win it, dear reader. In it to win it.
Big ups to these folks, all of whom provided recipes from which I borrowed to assemble my own: Inhabitots, Chow, Sally's Baking Addiction.
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